Finding Mr. Right 5.0: Lessons For Business From The Personal Relationship Trenches

By Scott Abel, The Content Wrangler and The Content Wrangler Community

I am a lot of things. I am a writer, a consultant, a community owner, a blogger, a Hoosier, an uncle, a gay male, and many other things. If you were to tag me like a web page you want to remember, you might use tags like content manager, conference organizer, The Content Wrangler, and a host of other descriptive words of meaning to you—limited only by your imagination. But, chances are, just from reading my blog or being on my mailing list, you really don’t know much about me. With this post—and others in the future—I aim to change that.

Tom Johnson has commented that he finds blogs with a voice a valuable and authentic source of information. He especially likes it when bloggers share their opinions about the news of the day and why they think it’s important. It helps the reader gain a better understanding of the writer and their thought processes. Other writers I respect say they wish I’d reveal more about who I am and what makes me think the things that I do. With this post I hope to share more about me...to find the beginnings of my authentic voice. I hope this post serves to educate and inform, while also revealing a little about the man behind The Content Wrangler.

As a consultant who provides advice to clients looking to improve the way they create, manage, and deliver content, I’m keenly aware that what my clients think they want is not always what they need. This disconnect between what’s desired and what’s actually needed isn’t anything new, nor is it limited to content projects. But, finding out what a client needs is critical to a successful project.

At the start of every client engagement, I ask my client to tell me what they want and why they want it. If after hearing their story, I believe I’m the right guy for the job, I work to close the deal. If not, I refer them to someone else who specializes in the type of services needed. I’ve made a career out of this type of relationship building and as a result, I have a large network of contacts from which to find help for my customers. But, despite a seemingly wonderful match-making ability (and a fast growing global network of content professionals), I’ve not got a good track record in the personal relationship arena.

The Relationship Challenge

My personal long-term relationships failed for the same, increasingly obvious reason: What I thought I wanted is not what I really needed. Sure, there were other specific reasons for the demise of each individual relationship (Mr. Right Version 3.0, for instance, violated our Terms of Service), but real problem was I selected the wrong Mr. Rights in the first place.

As I look back over the years with hindsight as a superpower, I can see clearly that I gravitated to guys that were handsome, charming, and nice, but who had nothing much in common with me. We didn’t share a common educational level, nor a common intellect or professional interest. I didn’t think our lack of commonalities was a big deal. But, today I’m not quite so sure. Maybe there’s something to the “birds of a feather flock together” idea.

Relationship incompatibility has prevented me as a human being from experiencing my life to the fullest, from experiencing the joy that is made possible when the right two people “click”. My poor choices caused me to waste a significant amount of my life doing nothing much of anything for me. Those same poor choices caused me to have depression, impacted my health in negative ways, damaged friendships, and stunted my personal growth. It also caused me to lose business and avoid numerous opportunities.

Now some of you may be saying to your self, “Don’t cry for me Content Wrangler, it looks like you’re doing fairly well. Look at all you’ve achieved despite your personal relationship mismatches.” That seems like a logical way of thinking (and it is certainly a valid viewpoint), but it fails to answer this question: “Where might I be if I had know what I needed from a relationship and sought that type of person as a partner?” Of course, there’s no way to know for sure what MIGHT have happened—although my psychic may differ with me on that point.

Finding Mr. Right Version 5.0

I met someone who was the closest thing to Mr. Right I’ve likely ever encountered. He was smart, witty, handsome, interesting, educated, had his own life and career, and was proud of his home and his achievements. He made me laugh out loud—and often. He challenged me in so many ways (unlike Mr. Right versions 1.0 - 4.0). He was so different than anyone I’d ever met and yet, I pushed him away. I didn’t allow him to get to know me.

Instead, I gravitated back to a broken relationship and tried—unsuccessfully to repair it—using bailing wire and bandages. That relationship failed miserably. I eventually realized my mistake, and tried connecting with Mr. Right 5.0 again, but he had moved on. I had my chance and I lost it to the competition.

We’ve Never Done It That Way Here

This type of mistake happens at big and small companies alike. And, it happens more often then they would have you think. Organizations get mired in their past experiences and make critical—often profit-damaging—business decisions based on nonsensical thinking. “We’ve never done it that way here” or “We’ve always done it this way here” become reasons for inaction or for making a choice most folks know is not the right one. They settle for less. They rest on their laurels. They ignore all the signs and symptoms and repeat the same mistakes over and over again. They try every way possible to avoid making the right decision, opting instead of temporary solutions that are often seen as saving money. In the long run, these information technology bandages prove inefficient and less-than-optimal. They also waste resources and prevent organizations for taking advantage of game-changing approaches that could help them maintain a strategic advantage over the competition. When the leaders of the organization finally realize the mistakes they’ve made, it’s often because they start losing clients. In the software industry, for example, several XML author tool vendors have lost big contracts—annually renewable ones—with some sizable customers for this very reason.

On a personal level, I’ve spent the past 20 years following the path to insanity, as Einstein described. Not exactly what I want to be remembered for on my tombstone. But, like many of my clients, I’m making an about face. I’m going to try and do things differently. I’m going to open my eyes to the possibilities. No more resting on old, outdated and unworkable relationship models. I’m going to step outside my comfort zone and allow myself to find the same level of relationship success as I enjoy in my business life. At least, I’m going to give it a shot by taking my own advice.

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